Delta Y Equals Zero

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
--Albert Einstein

Do you ever have those days where you just feel.....stuck? Just blah? It sucks. Maybe it's because the holidays are over and now it's the wait before the new year. I still can't believe it's only Tuesday for one thing; but anyway, this feeling of "blah" is extremely pervasive. There's no statistically significant amount of change. It's difficult to herd my friends together at a time that works for everyone, doing something that everyone wants to do. I'm not sure what I should be doing to get ready for school. I can't fall asleep before 2 A.M., which is really starting to become a drag. At least I can sleep in and try to recover. My parents are actually letting me go out at 8 P.M., but it feels like no one's really free by that point. Hopefully the new year will shake me out of the rut I'm currently running in.

Delta Y Equals Zero

I'll Be A Little Angel From Now On

Christmas time is here. Snowflakes are falling outside, and everything's like a picture book story. 

Wishing you all a safe and happy Christmas!

Also, an interesting take on the traditional Christmas story:

I'll Be A Little Angel From Now On

College Revelations: Reflections On The First Semester

I've finally made it through the first semester of my college experience, though I'm still waiting for a few of my grades to be posted. -Sigh- Over the past few months I've collected some thoughts on my first impressions of college.

I hate cohabitation
No joke. I understand and admit that I'm part of the spoiled generation that for the most part never had to share a room. I don't mind my roommate, we don't talk much to each other anyway, except when she wants me to leave so she can have her out-of-town boyfriend stay overnight; that's only happened twice so far. I just hate sharing my space. I hate living on a floor full of girls. They drive me insane. No matter the day of the week or the time of day I guarantee someone's doing stupid shit, and it gets really loud and people are constantly opening and closing doors. I also happen to live right underneath the next wannabe hippie/indie band, so drum sets going at 1 A.M. are certainly a delight to listen to. My R.A. is virtually non-existent, I hardly ever see her on the floor when it really matters; therefore, I don't feel inclined to be the designated asshole and take care of the problem myself. My mother claims I would solve my problems violently anyway.

With my friends, I could have my own embassy
I came from a primarily Caucasian high school. In my little group of acquaintances, there was not much variety. Here, my mind has been blown with the different ethnicities represented in my group. So far I have

~Indian
~Irish
~African-American
~Polish
~Slovenian
~Asian
~German
~Mexican

Pretty soon we could be our own little country, just like the Vatican.

I like to draw now
Or doodle, whichever you want to call it. I'm finally putting that sketchbook that's been collecting dust in my drawer to good use. For once, I'm actually pleased with my finished works. I'm considering posting some of the better ones here, but I want to watermark the hell out of them first. I like to see credit where credit is due. It would also probably help if I had a scanner...I could use my camera, but I'm not too sure about the differences in picture quality.

It is entirely possible to pass college classes
At least, most of them are anyway. Based on the grades I see now I can safely say I had a pretty solid first semester. I even managed to pull up a few grade levels in a class, which I was absolutely convinced it was going to go down and be my worst performance. Maybe I'm only saying this because I'm a freshman, but I'm starting to think that this whole college thing might not be so impossible after all...

College Revelations: Reflections On The First Semester

AdventureTime in College: I Knew There Was A Reason I Love Coke Zero

My senses have been assaulted. My perception of reality has been totally fucked with. I still have finals coming up. But none of that matters because I saw an advanced screening of "TRON: Legacy."

Coke Zero was at my campus handing out free vouchers for two tickets apiece, for a very reasonable time-slot. I'd have been a fool to not take advantage of this golden opportunity.

I'm not giving any of the plot details away, though I will say it made quite a few references to the 1982 version of "TRON." The movie was not nearly as popular as the video game release. This movie went completely over the top in the graphics department. Remember when "The Matrix" graphics took up five terabytes, and that was a whole megashitload? Yea, I wouldn't be surprised if this blew it out of the water.

The long and short of it is, I definitely recommend seeing this flick. The graphics are breathtaking, the plot is nostalgic and intriguing and the soundtrack really does make you feel like you're saving the world.

Radical, man.

AdventureTime in College: I Knew There Was A Reason I Love Coke Zero

Somebody Has To Say It: Like It Or Not, You Have To Eat To Live

The Blonde Bombshell herself

Of the many things I don't understand in this world, diets and eating disorders are somewhere in there. I know what they are, but I don't know how they came to be, or why for that matter.

Did ya know in the 1800s, women who were plump and voluptuous were the most desirable? A lot of emphasis was placed on the hips and the butt. Being "thin" didn't really become a fad till the 1900s, which continued to grow until about the present day. Now the current standard is big busts, flat stomachs and tiny ass waists.

I don't begrudge anyone who is naturally skinny. You were blessed with a fantastic metabolism, good for you. Now, can someone please tell me what is so glamorous about being so skinny that your ribcage has become your personal xylophone? That I could probably use your pelvic region as a punch bowl? That if you were to trip on a sidewalk crack, you'd most likely break in half?


I dunno how someone can deny themselves what they want to eat, or force themselves to throw it back up. Doesn't that taste awful? It's really bad for your teeth, since stomach acid eats away at the enamel. Did anyone mention that it won't do shit either? Best one could hope for is losing a few ounces maybe. How can someone live on less than 500 calories a day? That's way under the recommended daily intake of 2,000.

I'll be honest, there are days I wish my stomach was flatter. But I can't deny my base need to eat. I want to be a connoisseur of deliciousness. I can't live without my bread and butter, pasta, meat and potatoes, sweets and above all salt. I would probably kill you if you took my salt away. I believe in moderation. I eat well, but at the same time I exercise well, which has pretty much kept the Freshman 15 away. It might be 30 now, I dunno, but I for one am sick of crappy soft serve ice-cream.


Alright I'll get down off my soapbox now. I realize it's not going to change any minds here. I just want to throw it out there that whoever conceived of the current standard is a jackass. There is absolutely nothing wrong with voluptuous curves. Marilyn Monroe had them, and the public worshiped it. I'm just going to have to wait until you have a quick brush with death to realize that starving by free choice is no way to live.

Somebody Has To Say It: Like It Or Not, You Have To Eat To Live

Writing Exercise #5: But He Knows

Prompt: Write a letter to an ex. Ooo, the fun I'm going to have with this one...

To the one I kicked out:

Where do I even start. Hey, do you remember that day I was stupid enough to say hello to you? I do. Doing so brought months and months of heartache and self-inflicted guilt that I'm only just starting to forgive myself for.

I was strangely fine with you as a friend, though secretly I harbored a crush on you. I still don't know what it was, your eyes, your smile or the different culture you hailed from. Though all we could do was interact on the Internet, I convinced myself at the time that I loved you fiercely, though....

...you always held me at an arm's distance.

Nothing I ever did ever seemed to bring you lasting happiness. I made a complete fool of myself. And yet you still piled all the blame for stupid little things on me, to such a point that I felt nothing about me would ever make you love me the way I did you. I never wore the right clothes, I didn't hang out with the right people, fuck I never took part in activities that satisfied you at all. Remember when I tore my ACL playing football? Yea, there was no way I could have prevented that. Remember what you told me while I was convalescing? No? I do; you told me to never play again. You know that poster I drew of us, because you told me to do it? I tore it up and threw it out. And it felt wonderful. You know what the sucky part is? If by some freak chance you did find this and read it, you would still find a way to twist it all and make me look like the bad guy. You'd probably degrade yourself and threaten to kill yourself, just to try and get me to cry again. I am embarrassed to admit that you were the first to really make me cry. I am humiliated to confess that I really believed you.

It would be so easy for me to hate you, for all the names you called me, for all the times you lied to me about being with another girl just to get a rise out of me, for all out taking advantage of my puppy love. And in a way, I think I do, and there are very few who have the honour of being hated by me. I refuse to make excuses for you, regardless if the way you treated me was a reflection of how you were taught to treat others. Though I would not be happy if you were physically hurt, this is really just a way for me to vent and rub it in your face that at the end of the day the universe repaid me a hundredfold for what I went through.

I found someone else. We've been going steady for almost two years now. And I know how it feels to really care and be cared about by another person. He's everything that you only wish you could be. When he screws up, he apologizes and he means it. When I have an utterly crappy day and look like shit, he doesn't try to turn the attention toward himself and insist I go make myself pretty. He just holds me and lets me bitch, and when I'm done he still has the guts to tell me I'm beautiful. He understands my boundaries, and he's smart enough to realize I'll kick his ass if he puts a toe out of line, if my father and godfather don't beat me to it first. Know what the best part is? He says he loves me, and when I ask why, sometimes he has reasons, and sometimes he just says it because he wants to.

Maybe under different circumstances it could have worked. Strike that, no it couldn't. I think it would have been even worse if I lived anywhere NEAR you. So yea, I hate you for what you did to me, but at the same time I have to thank you for allowing me to go and find a real relationship. It was rough, I almost gave up completely, but the end was well worth waiting for.

I know it's only been several months since I completely severed all contact with you, but in that time I doubt you've learned how to respect a woman.

But he knows.

I don't think you've truly realized what you had, and destroyed without second thought.

But he knows.

I'd be very skeptical if one day out of the blue you came and told me you finally understand how to love someone, and make them happy, even when they're mad at you, that they found you.

But he knows.

Some days I do wonder if you were really stupid enough to kill yourself. I could be heartless and say that doesn't matter to me anymore, but I will say that I would be a little sad, and I think I might even pity you. What a shocker. Maybe I am heartless for writing this, solely for the imaginative purpose of informing you that I'm doing quite well, but guess what: I fucking deserve it.

Did you read all of that correctly? I know it might be a bit difficult, but that's why they invented Google Translator. Say it with me: I kicked you out, not you, me. Out of my life. For, I hope, good.


Huzzah for schadenfreude,
The foot in your ass

Writing Exercise #5: But He Knows

If John Powell Does Not Win "Best Original Composition" I Will Sic Toothless On You All

The two above songs are from one of my favourite movies this year, "How To Train Your Dragon." The score was composed by John Powell, and I'll be damned if he doesn't take "Best Original Music" at the Academies. The only other worthy opponents would be "Toy Story 3" or "Inception," which I didn't see but I only heard good things for the most part about it. Back to my original point however, "How To Train Your Dragon" deserves whatever Academies it should rightfully take home. It's an endearing story, with well-cast voices and even more well developed characters. The music just adds another layer to this movie's pure magnificence.

Some mutterings on the interwebs state that dragons have now become as pointlessly cute as vampires. I disagree. Stephanie Meyer emasculated Bram Stoker's "Dracula" and made him sparkly. These dragons will still bite your faces off in a heartbeat if they feel threatened. I'm just sayin'. 

How can you hate anything with a face like that?

By the way, for all you Rule #34 worshipers....Toothless is not amused. Even he knows he's better than anything you can think up.

If John Powell Does Not Win "Best Original Composition" I Will Sic Toothless On You All

AdventureTime in College: Cult of the Computer Nerds

Tonight I had the pleasure of attending my first offical Local Area Network (LAN) party, hosted by the Computer Science department. Mishka and I have hardwired our computers together to play Battle for Middle Earth before, but this was my first ever 15+ multi-player game. Tonight's entertainment was Urban Terror, similar to Counter Strike but not quite. A nicely rendered Real Time Strategy (RTS) first-person shooter, the goal is run around and shoot people, obviously. Though I sucked in the beginning, I did manage to take 4th place in one round, and I was rather proud of myself.

At the end of the day I had a really good time. The room was alive with bantering and exclamations over who shot who. I'm honestly surprised security didn't come kick us out; the room's basement location must have lent some advantage, or they just figured we wouldn't do anything malicious outside of our game. Mishka and I have been invited back for future events. I feel like I've joined a secret cult, and it's exhilarating...

AdventureTime in College: Cult of the Computer Nerds

Shit Like This Makes Me Wish I Could Have Skipped High School Altogether

And I mean every word of that.

Apparently today my old high school is going up against some rival I couldn't give two shits about, and as I'm writing this there's an ongoing flame war on the Facebook event page, racial and homosexual slurs abounding. I'm aware I sound pissed, but really I'm just irritated, and slightly ashamed. Yea I didn't like my high school years much, but I can admire the purpose they stood for, to mentally prepare me to face college and the real world.

Somehow I had higher expectations for the classes below mine, but then again I set them pretty high anyway. I quite frankly thought my old high school was better than cyber trash talking and parking lot brawl mongering. It really is too bad, I have a pretty good friend from the rival school, and he's an awesome guy. It shouldn't matter where you go to school, the point is that you learn responsibility for your own education and your choices, because in college no one's going to babysit you. You are wholly on your own, and the universe help you if you tried to stoop to that level on a university campus. They aren't as forgiving as high schools.

I'm not going to sit here and preach, mostly because it's not going to change anything anyway. The wee little kiddies are gonna sit there on the internet and scream obscenities at each other, and at the end of tonight I expect that page will blow up with comments from whichever side won. Congratu-fucking-lations guys, I hope you're satisfied with typing shit that you would probably never have the balls to say to someone's face.

Shit Like This Makes Me Wish I Could Have Skipped High School Altogether

Writing Exercise #4: My Ideal Winter Break

Prompt: In my University class, we got to make lists of things we wanted to do over our ideal winter breaks. No limitations whatsoever. So here's my working list, in no particular order...

~Save Middle Earth

~Recover the Titanic

~Appear in an episode of "The Big Bang Theory"

~Train a dragon

~Go on a world tour

~Sleep in

~See my friends

~Eat at Fogo de Chão every day

~Go horseback riding in New Zealand

~Take over the world

~Build my future castle

~Win the MegaMillion Jackpot
~Snow shenanigans (snowmen, snowball fights, sledding, skiing, etc.)
~Take a cruise somewhere warm
~Have a romantic fireside dinner
~Rave with Scooter
~Party at the Vatican
~Beat every old-school Nintendo game ever made
~Become a Master Bender of all four elements (water, fire, earth, air)
~Read, write, blog
~Fly in outer space
~Movie marathons
~Host a themed party
~DJ for Asgard Radio
~Drive on the Autobahn
~Find El Dorado
~Ride on the Magic School Bus
~Spa day

        LOADING......

Writing Exercise #4: My Ideal Winter Break

For A Nerd, You Sure Are Dumb

Recently I've been catching up on some old-school video game reviews with one of my favourite nerds, Angry Video Game Nerd. This past February he reviewed a series of Atari 2600 games that went under the name "Swordquest." There were four versions of the game in the early 80s, Earthworld, Fireworld, Waterworld and Airworld, the last of which was never released. Each game came with a DC comic, and you had to search for clues in the games that would direct you to a certain page number and panel. Once a player strung the clues together, they sent them in to Atari HQ in order to get a shot at winning some mind-boggling prizes. What's mind-boggling is that these were legitimate prizes, not just a t-shirt or some shitty little plastic toys.


Earthworld

"Talisman of Penultimate Truth"

The "Talisman of Penultimate Truth" was an 18K solid gold piece studded with 12 diamonds and the birthstones of the zodiac signs. There was also a sword of white gold attached. At the time its value was $25,000. The winner of this piece, Steven Bell, had it melted down for cash, but he did keep the sword. For that, Steven, you don't deserve a more advanced gaming medium than Phillips CD-I. I'd rather be broke and still have this than rich and just the sword. If I weren't paranoid that it would be stolen, I'd wear it like a fucking badge of honour.

Fireworld

"Chalice of Light"

The "Chalice of Light" was, quite literally, a chalice of gold and platinum. It was decorated with citrines, diamonds, lapis lazuli, green jade, pearls, sapphires and rubies. It was valued at $25,000. This contest was interesting because more than 50 players submitted the right clues, so Atari had them all write what they liked best about the game. The lucky winner, Michael Rideout, had the decency to keep this as a family heirloom.

Waterworld

"Crown of Light"

The "Crown of Light" was made of gold and adorned with diamonds, aquamarines, rubies, sapphires and green tourmalines. Estimated value at the time was $25,000. This contest never took place because at this point Atari got sucked into the Video Game Crash of 1983. Whereabouts of this prize are unknown.

Airworld

"Philosopher's Stone"

What Harry Potter wouldn't have given to take a gander at this beauty: a white chunk of jade housed in an 18K gold casing, with embedded with diamonds, rubies, emeralds and citrines. It was worth $25,000. The game was never made, which is unfortunate because the winner of this contest would have a chance to compete with the other winners to win the once in a lifetime prize, the "Sword of Ultimate Sorcery."

The "Sword of Ultimate Sorcery"

"Sword of Ultimate Sorcery"

The "Sword of Ultimate Sorcery" was a pure silver blade with a gold handle encrusted with various jewels, worth about $50,000. Its location remains a mystery, but there are rumors that Atari's current owner has it. Personally I doubt that.

The point of this post was to appeal to all common sense. If you had any one of these prizes, would you destroy it? Hell no! As I mentioned before, each of these items are one of a kind, and video game contests will never offer rarities such as these ever again most likely.  

For A Nerd, You Sure Are Dumb

Somebody Has To Say It: Butchering Good Songs Isn't Funny, It's Blasphemous

Harsh adjective? Maybe, but it does ring true. The subject of this post, this Youtuber, has been around for a while now. Supposedly she's a comedian, and the horrid lipstick and awful singing is just part of her act, but....no. Just no. I have no issue with her purposely butchering abominable songs like "Baby" by Justin Beiber or "Can't Be Tamed" Miley Cyrus. By all means, butcher away! Invite Sweeney Todd while you're at it. But when you utterly destroy "Danny Boy" or "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen, you are beyond forgiveness. It's not funny. You want to be funny, talk about dirty words you can never say on television or how religion is all about hats or places to stash your shit, like the comedian god George Carlin. Actually no, don't do that. Even he would turn over in his grave at your drivel. Shame on you.

"Goddamn there's a lot of stupid bastards walking around."

Somebody Has To Say It: Butchering Good Songs Isn't Funny, It's Blasphemous

Eyeball Vanity: Alan Parsons Project

I know it doesn't seem like it at all, but I really enjoy makeup. My favourite collection of all time is Urban Decay, not only because their colours are gorgeous, they also have wonky names, like "Flash" or "AC/DC" or even "Gunmetal." I came up with this look while listening to this Alan Parsons Project album:

This is the end result...

Eyeball Vanity: Alan Parsons Project

Somebody Has To Say It: Fuck Off, Toyota

Recently the commercials for Toyota have taken a turn towards the vicious. Their products are so bad, they've resorted to insulting the customer in order to guilt them into buying their rubbish. Hey, hey, you remember all that flak you took for faulty brakes? Yea, not buying it, ya pricks. I'm sticking with the Civic.

"I don't tolerate dorkiness very well." Yea well I don't tolerate shitheads like you very well either. Go jump in the lake. Nerds are going to rule the world someday, you know that, right? You best you hope we're kind enough to spare you for the sake of experimentation.

Somebody Has To Say It: Fuck Off, Toyota

AdventureTime in College: The Video Card Debacle

 About two weeks ago now, my Precalc teacher implored my class for computer help. His very expensive computer tower fell from a rickety man-made shelf, and it had screwed up his video playback. Just a little background on the guy, he was born in Bombay and spent quite a bit of time in Germany. Needless to say, he hasn't been around long enough to shake his heavy accent, so simply calling tech support wasn't a viable option. I sat there pondering whether or not to help this guy out. I'm no computer expert, but I know people who are pretty good with hardware and he knew a good software guy, so I figured between the two we could fix it without dropping another grand for a new tower. Besides, I felt pretty bad for him...he's one of those cute little old men that could pass as your grandfather. 


At the end of class I offered to drag bring along Mishka ("bear" in Russian, for those of you who don't want to schlep all the way to Google Translator for a half-assed Russian-to-English translation. A.K.A. the boyfriend), who's pretty solid in the hardware department. We hauled our tool kits over and cracked open his case. The only obvious damage was to the video card, which amazingly didn't break, but it did bend. It was a very nice video card too, the kind that marathon World of Warcraft users probably burn through, then proceed to flip out about doing so over it, just like this kid here below.

 

But moving right along...we surmised that he would need a new video card, so we went out to CompUSA (which is infinitely better than Best Buy in terms of knowledgeability) and got one. We installed it but -uh oh- no improvement. We followed the instructions, hacked around for video card drivers, nothing. Three phone calls and several emails later, we found out the software guy who came to tweak his display image (he likes the perfect "o's" on his screen....mathematician's O.C.D.), and he fixed the video problem by downloading video card drivers for the onboard video card, which had kicked when the previous video card was destroyed. None of us ever would have guessed that.

AdventureTime in College: The Video Card Debacle

Somebody Has To Say It: Getting What You Want Sucks

No, it really does sadly.

When it comes to getting what I want in terms of food or objects, there's no issue. If I want two packs of chicken ramen, by Jove I shall have them, at very little cost to myself. I'm just short two packs of chicken ramen. The horror, the horror.

People on the other hand...well that's a different story.

This past weekend I briefly reconnected with a person I met face-to-face only once last year. I should have been tipped off by the way he systematically drove people out of the room with his constant jibber-jabber, but I was too nice to be an asshole and take off before he set his crosshairs on me. After a very long and trivial conversation, I made two very big mistakes. The first was accepting his friend request on Facebook. The second was giving him the privilege to call me. *Cue Picard facepalm*

I thought to myself, "How often is one 16 year old ever going to call me?" Karma is absolutely vindictive when it comes to proving me wrong. It wasn't too bad at first. I ignored his calls more often then I answered, but when I did the awkward conversations would eat at the very least an hour of my time. One day they dropped off, much to my relief. It was quiet for about a year....until this past Friday. The onslaught began anew, starting with a seemingly innocent inbox thread on Facebook. He then proceeded to call me roughly 80 times. With 12 voicemails. I shit you not. I wouldn't have been so annoyed, except that he called nearly all day, during class, during meals, during homework, during SLEEP. If there's one thing you don't do to me, you don't call me while I'm sleeping, unless it's an absolute emergency. That's my time so I can be a bright fucking ray of sunshine at 7.45 am the next day. Even with my phone on silent, there was his number popping up every damn time, like some possessed Whack-A-Mole. I finally got so irritated that I contacted his brother over Facebook, begging asking him to intervene. And mind you, I was as polite as I could be about it. No name calling, no cussing, no nothing.

This is the part where I find out I'm a bitch.

His brother did respond to me, and he was so nice about it. He apologized and said he would take care of it. He also mentioned that his little brother was autistic and unable to recognize social cues. Even the offender himself bothered to send me an apology, per the persuasion of the older brother I'm assuming.

Well shit. All I wanted was for the kid to back off. Now he has. I feel bad though because I didn't know he was autistic, though that explains a lot. I feel like I just kicked a puppy...why does getting what you want suck so bad?

Somebody Has To Say It: Getting What You Want Sucks

There Will Be Pokémon

In anticipation of "Change Your Picture to Your Favorite Pokémon Month" in December, I'm posting a few of my all time favorites. Also I'm debating whether or not to buy HeartGold or SoulSilver as well as the new versions Black or White. It just never seems to end...


I choose you!

Ninetails

Rapidash

Mudkip

Flygon

Salamence

Aggron

Knowing me I'll probably continue to add more. But can you blame me? I was addicted to the cheesy anime fight sequences. I traded cards at recess. I even went as far as to buy the goofy looking box version of the game. Pokémon was and still is an integral part of my childhood. After all, I'm just a big kid in college, so really Pokémon won't truly ever die for me.

There Will Be Pokémon

Screw You, Charming. I'll Save Myself

So I was hacking around on the interwebs today whilst doing homework and I found dees peectures. Aside from being awesomely brilliant, for whatever reason this one in particular reminded me of a poem I wrote for some art project or other. Overall I think the Brothers Grimm would highly approve of this gentleman's artistic vision. Now as far as the poem goes....

"Once upon a time

There was a beautiful princess

Locked away in a tower in a garden of thorns

One day a handsome prince came and saved her

And they lived happily ever after"

Did anyone ever ask the princess

If she wanted to be saved?

Maybe she planted the thorns herself

Perhaps she preferred her own company

She didn't want someone to look for her

Was she really happy with said Prince Charming?

Did she honestly have a fairy tale ending?

Screw You, Charming. I'll Save Myself

Total Revamp

So I took some time today to redesign my corner of the universe. And by "some time" I mean I sat here for some odd hours staring at HTML and messing around with widgets and pages. The end result though I think was totally worth it. Tell me what you think!

Total Revamp

Writing Exercise #3: Graceless Ways to Finish in Bed

Prompt: The title kinda speaks for itself....

Her: "Reeeeed Robin!" 

Him: "Yum!"

"It's over 9000!"

"It's a Chiaotzuuuuu!"

"It's a pinch!" --- Star Driver

So gorgeous..../drool

"PiiiiiiikaaaaaaCHUUUUUUUUU!!!"

"Doom doom do-doom doomTHEEND!"

"KaaaaaaameeeeeehaaaaameeeHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"

That's all I got for now...anyone else care to contribute?      

Writing Exercise #3: Graceless Ways to Finish in Bed

Writing Exercise #2: Bananaphone

Prompt: Who would you call first?

Should I do it, should I do it....aw hell it's right there.....

Seriously now, what can't you fix with a Proton Pack? And just to make it even more awesome I'd call them with this....

So who would you call?

Writing Exercise #2: Bananaphone

Writing Exercise #1: Awkward First Kiss

Damn you writing dry spells.You make me feel so awful for having a life outside the internet. So I'm gonna try something new and write based off prompts and the like. These will be interspersed with the irregularly scheduled programmings of my opinions, rants, adventures in college, etc. Before I go on, I invite you to:

1. Shamelessly introduce and promote yourself. I want new material to investigate.
2. Ask me questions! I need an excuse to try the newish "Pages" feature.

Now onwards! Hyah!

Prompt: What did it feel like? Write the story of the first person (not a member of your family) you ever kissed. Share it with them, if you dare!

It was my freshman year of high school. I was supposed to go over to a guy's house, but some dumbass went batshit crazy with a gun in the train station we were going to depart from, so we went back to mine instead. We ended up just chilling in front of a fire munching on Chinese food. At the end of the night his parents came to get him, and in the spur of the moment I kissed him in the kitchen. How fitting right? We didn't last too much longer after that. As for the sharing part, he hasn't talked to me in over three years. I'm sure he's busy doing whatever makes him happy, therefore I very much doubt he'll see this. If he does, well hey, maybe we might start talking again.

So how did your first date/kiss go?

Writing Exercise #1: Awkward First Kiss

Your Move, Disney

Well well, it seems this troll does have some bite to his bark. October 22, the day of reckoning for Justin Bieber haters, YouTube user LifeInATent hosted a live feed in which participants witnessed himself and Eric Douglace trade insults. The implications of this phenomenon have since escalated. Viewers recorded Douglace claiming he would hack LIAT's bank account, and yet not do anything with the assets. Additionally, he allegedly "hacked" LIAT's YouTube account, changing around video titles and the "About Me" section, as well as gain access to LIAT's blogspot account. Conspiracy theories naturally were spawned that LIAT and Eric were in on this from the beginning.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is no longer about Justin Bieber. Justin Bieber is just a facade for Eric's self-destructive sociopathic tendencies. This boy has effectively broken several laws on the federal level, including implied fraud and breach of data privacy. It doesn't matter whether he did it himself  anymore (speculations have been made that he either hired a third party or wrote a keylogger himself and forced hacked). He has openly admitted that his parents work for the government and is undoubtedly using their IP address in order to carry out his heinous actions. LIAT is preparing a legal suit, and if Eric is truly from Canada (or any other country outside the US), INTERPOL will have to get involved in the court case.

So how now, Disney? What are you going to do now that one of your pop-star icons has been made the poster boy for hacking YouTube partners and possibly other internet users? Are you ready to handle the massive backlash?

As for YOU, Eric: If this does make it to court, I hope you get tried as an adult. I hope the judge sees right through your probable insanity plea and throws your ass into a life sentence, as your life is basically over anyway. Even as we speak, Anonymous is preparing to move against you, and when that happens, you can put your head between your knees and kiss your bum goodbye. It's unlikely you will ever go to college or get a job now. So I must congratulate you, as you are now the next Jessi Slaughter.

Your Move, Disney

In Soviet Russia, Anonymous Hack You

This poor soul has caused quite the uproar on the Tube of You. Though I am embarrassed to admit that I contributed to the view count, I couldn't help but giggle maniacally as I watched this kid blast himself into oblivion. He claims he and his little "hack squad," which is really one or two other 14 year olds with little to no computer programming history to speak of, have already hacked 40+ accounts and have access to some 800 IP addresses. He also allegedly has an uncle in the FCC, who has ties to NSA, Homeland Security, FBI, INTERPOL, et al.

There's no nice way to break it to you. Your uncle probably doesn't even know who Justin Bieber is, much less even care. And it would be really quite sad if this is a top priority on INTERPOL's list. You have successfully managed to garner the bile of thousands of other internet users, particularly 4chan, in which case you are well and truly fucked. You can't shut down the First Amendment, and you will rue the day you decided to hit the "Upload" button. This is what happens when you post shit on the internet: people see it, and they will judge, they will comment and they will link the hell out of it. If you can't handle it, you shouldn't be putting yourself out there.

For future reference, if you're going to unabashedly promote a music artist, pick a good one, or at least have a valid argument on why other people should support them.

Congratulations ericDouglace et al., you have lost teh internets. And the game.

In Soviet Russia, Anonymous Hack You

AdventureTime in College: Das Lebkuchenhaus

article I. is Alexandra fit to be an architect?

The First Point: I. It would seem so. Walt Disney said "If you can dream it, you can do it." Hence anyone is capable of doing anything if they have the power to conjure up mental images during the REM sleep phase.

On the other hand, just because you can do something doesn't necessarily mean you should. It doesn't take much skill to build a house out of graham crackers and candy, but it takes years of professional work to build a city.

Reply: Alexandra is most certainly not fit to be an architect. Firstly, she has never imagined herself as one and secondly, she is absolute rubbish at building even a gingerbread house. Presenting Exhibit

A

Ever so appetizing...

A creation such as this is guaranteed to give the consumer cavities.

Hence: I. Based on photographic evidence, Alexandra should not be trusted with actual brick and mortar.

AdventureTime in College: Das Lebkuchenhaus

Somebody Has To Say It: Chemistry, Kiss my (Ar)(Se)

Seriously. Not many students care that much about you until you make something explode. Now kiss it.

My adipose-laden posterior brings all the boys to the yard

Now for some explosions.

Somebody Has To Say It: Chemistry, Kiss my (Ar)(Se)

AdventureTime in College: Pilot

Ah, my poor blog, you have suffered much in my absence. I don't know how to apologize for my complete lack of motivation to write about nonsense. I have been off questing in the new frontier that is a college campus. Though it's only been about two months, already I have stories to tell.

Trolleys, Rev Your Engines
At college a crap-ton of welcome activities are packed into only a few days. One such event was a trolley ride around the city of Chicago during late night hours. As a long-time resident, I was already familiar with much of the city, but I couldn't resist the invitation to go out and play past what would have been my curfew. The tour itself was so-so, but it had its moments, like the drunk people screaming at us from their cars or the sidewalk.

Cheap Locks Don't Work in Rogers Park
Before classes even started, my boyfriend got himself into quite a conundrum. He was the inheritor of a half-broken cable lock for his very expensive, oversized PDA. Goshdarnit, he forgot the combination, and his sister, the gracious bestower of said lock, couldn't remember either. So the both of us broke out our tool kits and did a B&E on that SOB...and no, not bacon and eggs. So that was how I learned how a cheap rotary lock works.

Nerdgasm Central
We now progress to several weeks into the semester, and already my brain is starting to look a little something like this:

Fine cuisine if you're a zombie...

Naturally, I sought respite before boiling hot canola oil started pouring out of my cranial cavity. My cure came in the form of a train stop that happens to be Nerd Heaven. There's a comic book store, a Halloween shop and two video game stores that cover everything from Atari to Wii. *nerdgasm* It would not surprise me in the slightest if I solved the national debt problem just in this one location.

Thankfully, fall break is almost upon me. I hope I can defibrillate this blog and get back onto a somewhat regular writing streak. 

AdventureTime in College: Pilot

Party Hard: Sloppy Drunk Style

Ingredients
Kegs - who has the best kegstand? You need a few of these to find out.

Ping pong table - what's a drunk party without its staple game, Beer Pong?

Alcohol - cheap brands such as Busch Lite or Coors Lite are extremely popular

Camera - for posterity's sake; don't forget to have someone poorly edit out the booze. Wouldn't want future employers to see that

Drunks - the fewer people you know there, the better. Bonus points for people who mysteriously "lose" their clothes or do something incredibly stupid, obnoxious, etc. over the course of the evening

Toss ingredients into a basement or garage. Let sit for +4 hours to aid alcohol intake. Serves +20 guests.

Party Hard: Sloppy Drunk Style

Somebody Has To Say It: "(Bleep) You Too, Rod"

"Oopsie, I dun gone did it again."

As most Illinois residents are aware, Governor Rod Blagojevich is on trial for federal corruption. At one point during the replay of federal wiretaps, he was quoted as saying, "I (bleeping) busted my ass. I gave your (bleeping) baby health care. … What do I get for that? Only 13 percent of you think I'm doing a good job, so (bleep) all of you." This was of course directed at all registered Illinois voters. Well Mistah B., I am not a registered voter, so I would appreciate that you not violently penetrate me. Please instead accept this offering of a ditty written to the tune of "You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch" and spare my virginity.

You're A Mean One, Mistah B.

You're a mean one, Mistah B.

You really are a jerk

You go and kiss the media's ass while we're all outta work, Mistah B.

You're a smooth talker with an ugly bad smirk

You're a dull one, Mistah B.

Your head's an empty void

You spent your cash on Oxxford suits, now your future is destroyed, Mistah B.

And you wonder why Illinoisans dislike you...they're probably annoyed

You're a schemer, Mistah B.

You tried to get ahead

You thought that selling Senate seats would earn you extra bread, Mistah B.

Voters need you like they need a hole in the head

You've a foul mouth, Mistah B.

It shows your lack of wit

Garlic smells much better than the stench that you emit, Mistah B.

"(Bleep)" us all, really? We've been (bleeped) more than we care to admit

Somebody Has To Say It: "(Bleep) You Too, Rod"

Bowser, You've Met Your Match

I've never been much of a gamer. The most advanced piece of gaming equipment I have is the first generation DS. I still remember the first game system I ever got: a teal GameBoy Color. First game to go with it? Super Mario Bros.

   

+

=

                                              

So I stumbled upon one of the best Mario tribute games. Dubbed Super Mario Bros. Crossover, it draws famous video game characters from some of Nintendo's most successful games and throws them into the world of Super Mario Bros. Here's a rundown of all the game's characters, but you'll have to play for yourself to determine which is the best one.

Mario: Nintendo's mascot, arguably one of the most famous characters in video game history; resident of the Mushroom Kingdom, constantly on call to rescue Princess Peach from the Koopa King, Bowser

Link: first appeared in The Legend of Zelda; quests to save Princess Zelda and her kingdom

Bill R.: military commando from Contra; must shut down terrorist organization Red Falcon

Simon: from Castlevania; vampyre hunter

Mega Man: robot lab assistant converted into a fighter robot

Samus: from Metroid; female bounty hunter

Ryu: from Streetfighter; aims to become the strongest man he can

Press to Play!

http://supermariobroscrossover.com/

Bowser, You've Met Your Match

Party Hard: Nerd Style

Ingredients
Fast food - pizza, tacos, Chinese food, burgers, etc.

Cartoons - old school cartoons that have been outsourced from Cartoon Network to Boomerang. Nickelodeon is also acceptable.

Nerds - people who either a) know more than the average person about literature, technology, tabletop gaming, etc. or b) people that don't exactly fall into the "status quo"

Mix ingredients well and pour into basement, preferably one equipped with a TV, gaming console, couches and at least one computer. Serves +5 people. Best if served fresh.

Party Hard: Nerd Style