Writing Exercise #4: My Ideal Winter Break

Prompt: In my University class, we got to make lists of things we wanted to do over our ideal winter breaks. No limitations whatsoever. So here's my working list, in no particular order...

~Save Middle Earth

~Recover the Titanic

~Appear in an episode of "The Big Bang Theory"

~Train a dragon

~Go on a world tour

~Sleep in

~See my friends

~Eat at Fogo de Chão every day

~Go horseback riding in New Zealand

~Take over the world

~Build my future castle

~Win the MegaMillion Jackpot
~Snow shenanigans (snowmen, snowball fights, sledding, skiing, etc.)
~Take a cruise somewhere warm
~Have a romantic fireside dinner
~Rave with Scooter
~Party at the Vatican
~Beat every old-school Nintendo game ever made
~Become a Master Bender of all four elements (water, fire, earth, air)
~Read, write, blog
~Fly in outer space
~Movie marathons
~Host a themed party
~DJ for Asgard Radio
~Drive on the Autobahn
~Find El Dorado
~Ride on the Magic School Bus
~Spa day

        LOADING......

Writing Exercise #4: My Ideal Winter Break

For A Nerd, You Sure Are Dumb

Recently I've been catching up on some old-school video game reviews with one of my favourite nerds, Angry Video Game Nerd. This past February he reviewed a series of Atari 2600 games that went under the name "Swordquest." There were four versions of the game in the early 80s, Earthworld, Fireworld, Waterworld and Airworld, the last of which was never released. Each game came with a DC comic, and you had to search for clues in the games that would direct you to a certain page number and panel. Once a player strung the clues together, they sent them in to Atari HQ in order to get a shot at winning some mind-boggling prizes. What's mind-boggling is that these were legitimate prizes, not just a t-shirt or some shitty little plastic toys.


Earthworld

"Talisman of Penultimate Truth"

The "Talisman of Penultimate Truth" was an 18K solid gold piece studded with 12 diamonds and the birthstones of the zodiac signs. There was also a sword of white gold attached. At the time its value was $25,000. The winner of this piece, Steven Bell, had it melted down for cash, but he did keep the sword. For that, Steven, you don't deserve a more advanced gaming medium than Phillips CD-I. I'd rather be broke and still have this than rich and just the sword. If I weren't paranoid that it would be stolen, I'd wear it like a fucking badge of honour.

Fireworld

"Chalice of Light"

The "Chalice of Light" was, quite literally, a chalice of gold and platinum. It was decorated with citrines, diamonds, lapis lazuli, green jade, pearls, sapphires and rubies. It was valued at $25,000. This contest was interesting because more than 50 players submitted the right clues, so Atari had them all write what they liked best about the game. The lucky winner, Michael Rideout, had the decency to keep this as a family heirloom.

Waterworld

"Crown of Light"

The "Crown of Light" was made of gold and adorned with diamonds, aquamarines, rubies, sapphires and green tourmalines. Estimated value at the time was $25,000. This contest never took place because at this point Atari got sucked into the Video Game Crash of 1983. Whereabouts of this prize are unknown.

Airworld

"Philosopher's Stone"

What Harry Potter wouldn't have given to take a gander at this beauty: a white chunk of jade housed in an 18K gold casing, with embedded with diamonds, rubies, emeralds and citrines. It was worth $25,000. The game was never made, which is unfortunate because the winner of this contest would have a chance to compete with the other winners to win the once in a lifetime prize, the "Sword of Ultimate Sorcery."

The "Sword of Ultimate Sorcery"

"Sword of Ultimate Sorcery"

The "Sword of Ultimate Sorcery" was a pure silver blade with a gold handle encrusted with various jewels, worth about $50,000. Its location remains a mystery, but there are rumors that Atari's current owner has it. Personally I doubt that.

The point of this post was to appeal to all common sense. If you had any one of these prizes, would you destroy it? Hell no! As I mentioned before, each of these items are one of a kind, and video game contests will never offer rarities such as these ever again most likely.  

For A Nerd, You Sure Are Dumb

Somebody Has To Say It: Butchering Good Songs Isn't Funny, It's Blasphemous

Harsh adjective? Maybe, but it does ring true. The subject of this post, this Youtuber, has been around for a while now. Supposedly she's a comedian, and the horrid lipstick and awful singing is just part of her act, but....no. Just no. I have no issue with her purposely butchering abominable songs like "Baby" by Justin Beiber or "Can't Be Tamed" Miley Cyrus. By all means, butcher away! Invite Sweeney Todd while you're at it. But when you utterly destroy "Danny Boy" or "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen, you are beyond forgiveness. It's not funny. You want to be funny, talk about dirty words you can never say on television or how religion is all about hats or places to stash your shit, like the comedian god George Carlin. Actually no, don't do that. Even he would turn over in his grave at your drivel. Shame on you.

"Goddamn there's a lot of stupid bastards walking around."

Somebody Has To Say It: Butchering Good Songs Isn't Funny, It's Blasphemous

Eyeball Vanity: Alan Parsons Project

I know it doesn't seem like it at all, but I really enjoy makeup. My favourite collection of all time is Urban Decay, not only because their colours are gorgeous, they also have wonky names, like "Flash" or "AC/DC" or even "Gunmetal." I came up with this look while listening to this Alan Parsons Project album:

This is the end result...

Eyeball Vanity: Alan Parsons Project

Somebody Has To Say It: Fuck Off, Toyota

Recently the commercials for Toyota have taken a turn towards the vicious. Their products are so bad, they've resorted to insulting the customer in order to guilt them into buying their rubbish. Hey, hey, you remember all that flak you took for faulty brakes? Yea, not buying it, ya pricks. I'm sticking with the Civic.

"I don't tolerate dorkiness very well." Yea well I don't tolerate shitheads like you very well either. Go jump in the lake. Nerds are going to rule the world someday, you know that, right? You best you hope we're kind enough to spare you for the sake of experimentation.

Somebody Has To Say It: Fuck Off, Toyota

AdventureTime in College: The Video Card Debacle

 About two weeks ago now, my Precalc teacher implored my class for computer help. His very expensive computer tower fell from a rickety man-made shelf, and it had screwed up his video playback. Just a little background on the guy, he was born in Bombay and spent quite a bit of time in Germany. Needless to say, he hasn't been around long enough to shake his heavy accent, so simply calling tech support wasn't a viable option. I sat there pondering whether or not to help this guy out. I'm no computer expert, but I know people who are pretty good with hardware and he knew a good software guy, so I figured between the two we could fix it without dropping another grand for a new tower. Besides, I felt pretty bad for him...he's one of those cute little old men that could pass as your grandfather. 


At the end of class I offered to drag bring along Mishka ("bear" in Russian, for those of you who don't want to schlep all the way to Google Translator for a half-assed Russian-to-English translation. A.K.A. the boyfriend), who's pretty solid in the hardware department. We hauled our tool kits over and cracked open his case. The only obvious damage was to the video card, which amazingly didn't break, but it did bend. It was a very nice video card too, the kind that marathon World of Warcraft users probably burn through, then proceed to flip out about doing so over it, just like this kid here below.

 

But moving right along...we surmised that he would need a new video card, so we went out to CompUSA (which is infinitely better than Best Buy in terms of knowledgeability) and got one. We installed it but -uh oh- no improvement. We followed the instructions, hacked around for video card drivers, nothing. Three phone calls and several emails later, we found out the software guy who came to tweak his display image (he likes the perfect "o's" on his screen....mathematician's O.C.D.), and he fixed the video problem by downloading video card drivers for the onboard video card, which had kicked when the previous video card was destroyed. None of us ever would have guessed that.

AdventureTime in College: The Video Card Debacle

Somebody Has To Say It: Getting What You Want Sucks

No, it really does sadly.

When it comes to getting what I want in terms of food or objects, there's no issue. If I want two packs of chicken ramen, by Jove I shall have them, at very little cost to myself. I'm just short two packs of chicken ramen. The horror, the horror.

People on the other hand...well that's a different story.

This past weekend I briefly reconnected with a person I met face-to-face only once last year. I should have been tipped off by the way he systematically drove people out of the room with his constant jibber-jabber, but I was too nice to be an asshole and take off before he set his crosshairs on me. After a very long and trivial conversation, I made two very big mistakes. The first was accepting his friend request on Facebook. The second was giving him the privilege to call me. *Cue Picard facepalm*

I thought to myself, "How often is one 16 year old ever going to call me?" Karma is absolutely vindictive when it comes to proving me wrong. It wasn't too bad at first. I ignored his calls more often then I answered, but when I did the awkward conversations would eat at the very least an hour of my time. One day they dropped off, much to my relief. It was quiet for about a year....until this past Friday. The onslaught began anew, starting with a seemingly innocent inbox thread on Facebook. He then proceeded to call me roughly 80 times. With 12 voicemails. I shit you not. I wouldn't have been so annoyed, except that he called nearly all day, during class, during meals, during homework, during SLEEP. If there's one thing you don't do to me, you don't call me while I'm sleeping, unless it's an absolute emergency. That's my time so I can be a bright fucking ray of sunshine at 7.45 am the next day. Even with my phone on silent, there was his number popping up every damn time, like some possessed Whack-A-Mole. I finally got so irritated that I contacted his brother over Facebook, begging asking him to intervene. And mind you, I was as polite as I could be about it. No name calling, no cussing, no nothing.

This is the part where I find out I'm a bitch.

His brother did respond to me, and he was so nice about it. He apologized and said he would take care of it. He also mentioned that his little brother was autistic and unable to recognize social cues. Even the offender himself bothered to send me an apology, per the persuasion of the older brother I'm assuming.

Well shit. All I wanted was for the kid to back off. Now he has. I feel bad though because I didn't know he was autistic, though that explains a lot. I feel like I just kicked a puppy...why does getting what you want suck so bad?

Somebody Has To Say It: Getting What You Want Sucks

There Will Be Pokémon

In anticipation of "Change Your Picture to Your Favorite Pokémon Month" in December, I'm posting a few of my all time favorites. Also I'm debating whether or not to buy HeartGold or SoulSilver as well as the new versions Black or White. It just never seems to end...


I choose you!

Ninetails

Rapidash

Mudkip

Flygon

Salamence

Aggron

Knowing me I'll probably continue to add more. But can you blame me? I was addicted to the cheesy anime fight sequences. I traded cards at recess. I even went as far as to buy the goofy looking box version of the game. Pokémon was and still is an integral part of my childhood. After all, I'm just a big kid in college, so really Pokémon won't truly ever die for me.

There Will Be Pokémon

Screw You, Charming. I'll Save Myself

So I was hacking around on the interwebs today whilst doing homework and I found dees peectures. Aside from being awesomely brilliant, for whatever reason this one in particular reminded me of a poem I wrote for some art project or other. Overall I think the Brothers Grimm would highly approve of this gentleman's artistic vision. Now as far as the poem goes....

"Once upon a time

There was a beautiful princess

Locked away in a tower in a garden of thorns

One day a handsome prince came and saved her

And they lived happily ever after"

Did anyone ever ask the princess

If she wanted to be saved?

Maybe she planted the thorns herself

Perhaps she preferred her own company

She didn't want someone to look for her

Was she really happy with said Prince Charming?

Did she honestly have a fairy tale ending?

Screw You, Charming. I'll Save Myself

Total Revamp

So I took some time today to redesign my corner of the universe. And by "some time" I mean I sat here for some odd hours staring at HTML and messing around with widgets and pages. The end result though I think was totally worth it. Tell me what you think!

Total Revamp

Writing Exercise #3: Graceless Ways to Finish in Bed

Prompt: The title kinda speaks for itself....

Her: "Reeeeed Robin!" 

Him: "Yum!"

"It's over 9000!"

"It's a Chiaotzuuuuu!"

"It's a pinch!" --- Star Driver

So gorgeous..../drool

"PiiiiiiikaaaaaaCHUUUUUUUUU!!!"

"Doom doom do-doom doomTHEEND!"

"KaaaaaaameeeeeehaaaaameeeHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"

That's all I got for now...anyone else care to contribute?      

Writing Exercise #3: Graceless Ways to Finish in Bed

Writing Exercise #2: Bananaphone

Prompt: Who would you call first?

Should I do it, should I do it....aw hell it's right there.....

Seriously now, what can't you fix with a Proton Pack? And just to make it even more awesome I'd call them with this....

So who would you call?

Writing Exercise #2: Bananaphone

Writing Exercise #1: Awkward First Kiss

Damn you writing dry spells.You make me feel so awful for having a life outside the internet. So I'm gonna try something new and write based off prompts and the like. These will be interspersed with the irregularly scheduled programmings of my opinions, rants, adventures in college, etc. Before I go on, I invite you to:

1. Shamelessly introduce and promote yourself. I want new material to investigate.
2. Ask me questions! I need an excuse to try the newish "Pages" feature.

Now onwards! Hyah!

Prompt: What did it feel like? Write the story of the first person (not a member of your family) you ever kissed. Share it with them, if you dare!

It was my freshman year of high school. I was supposed to go over to a guy's house, but some dumbass went batshit crazy with a gun in the train station we were going to depart from, so we went back to mine instead. We ended up just chilling in front of a fire munching on Chinese food. At the end of the night his parents came to get him, and in the spur of the moment I kissed him in the kitchen. How fitting right? We didn't last too much longer after that. As for the sharing part, he hasn't talked to me in over three years. I'm sure he's busy doing whatever makes him happy, therefore I very much doubt he'll see this. If he does, well hey, maybe we might start talking again.

So how did your first date/kiss go?

Writing Exercise #1: Awkward First Kiss