Somebody Has To Say It: "(Bleep) You Too, Rod"

"Oopsie, I dun gone did it again."

As most Illinois residents are aware, Governor Rod Blagojevich is on trial for federal corruption. At one point during the replay of federal wiretaps, he was quoted as saying, "I (bleeping) busted my ass. I gave your (bleeping) baby health care. … What do I get for that? Only 13 percent of you think I'm doing a good job, so (bleep) all of you." This was of course directed at all registered Illinois voters. Well Mistah B., I am not a registered voter, so I would appreciate that you not violently penetrate me. Please instead accept this offering of a ditty written to the tune of "You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch" and spare my virginity.

You're A Mean One, Mistah B.

You're a mean one, Mistah B.

You really are a jerk

You go and kiss the media's ass while we're all outta work, Mistah B.

You're a smooth talker with an ugly bad smirk

You're a dull one, Mistah B.

Your head's an empty void

You spent your cash on Oxxford suits, now your future is destroyed, Mistah B.

And you wonder why Illinoisans dislike you...they're probably annoyed

You're a schemer, Mistah B.

You tried to get ahead

You thought that selling Senate seats would earn you extra bread, Mistah B.

Voters need you like they need a hole in the head

You've a foul mouth, Mistah B.

It shows your lack of wit

Garlic smells much better than the stench that you emit, Mistah B.

"(Bleep)" us all, really? We've been (bleeped) more than we care to admit

Somebody Has To Say It: "(Bleep) You Too, Rod"

Bowser, You've Met Your Match

I've never been much of a gamer. The most advanced piece of gaming equipment I have is the first generation DS. I still remember the first game system I ever got: a teal GameBoy Color. First game to go with it? Super Mario Bros.

   

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So I stumbled upon one of the best Mario tribute games. Dubbed Super Mario Bros. Crossover, it draws famous video game characters from some of Nintendo's most successful games and throws them into the world of Super Mario Bros. Here's a rundown of all the game's characters, but you'll have to play for yourself to determine which is the best one.

Mario: Nintendo's mascot, arguably one of the most famous characters in video game history; resident of the Mushroom Kingdom, constantly on call to rescue Princess Peach from the Koopa King, Bowser

Link: first appeared in The Legend of Zelda; quests to save Princess Zelda and her kingdom

Bill R.: military commando from Contra; must shut down terrorist organization Red Falcon

Simon: from Castlevania; vampyre hunter

Mega Man: robot lab assistant converted into a fighter robot

Samus: from Metroid; female bounty hunter

Ryu: from Streetfighter; aims to become the strongest man he can

Press to Play!

http://supermariobroscrossover.com/

Bowser, You've Met Your Match

Party Hard: Nerd Style

Ingredients
Fast food - pizza, tacos, Chinese food, burgers, etc.

Cartoons - old school cartoons that have been outsourced from Cartoon Network to Boomerang. Nickelodeon is also acceptable.

Nerds - people who either a) know more than the average person about literature, technology, tabletop gaming, etc. or b) people that don't exactly fall into the "status quo"

Mix ingredients well and pour into basement, preferably one equipped with a TV, gaming console, couches and at least one computer. Serves +5 people. Best if served fresh.

Party Hard: Nerd Style

10 Sites That May Turn You Into an Internet Zombie

I have scoured the interwebs and my bookmarks and collected a list of ten websites that could very well have the potential to turn people into internet zombies. They are about as addicting as brains. The challenge, however, was to find sites outside of social networking and shopping, because everyone's aware of how much a virus Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, etc. are. So here are my top ten sites, presented in no particular priority.



10. Cracked.com
A collection of miscellaneous humorous articles on every topic imaginable.

9. nintendo8.com
A treasure trove of classic 8-bit games that don't require download. Essentially a nostalgic gamer's dream come true.

8. hacknmod.com
Oh, the many ways to manipulate technology. Offers tutorials from how to play Tetris on your wall with LED lights to hacking that pesky iPhone.

7. http://icanhascheezburger.com/
Mindless entertainment provided by cats. And other assorted animals....wait, a crocodile made the cut?! Watch out, kittehs!

6. perezhilton.com
Mindless entertainment provided by celebrities. A windfall of material for those who like to comment on the young (or not so young) and dumb yet famous citizens of Hollywood.

5. picnik.com
For those who simply must have their profile picture now. As in right this minute, I don't have the time to mess around with Photoshop. Very user-friendly, offers a variety of ways to make your profile picture snazzy in very little time.

4. myinsults.com
Ever wanted to chew someone out really badly but hesitated because you knew they would understand you? Say what you want to say in another language!

3. fold.it
Like to do puzzles? Wonder how you can use your puzzle solving skills to do some good? This is a site you should look into. Literally, you are solving 3D puzzles of proteins for the sake of science. Without much effort at all. What more could you ask for.

2. www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/surgeryvideos.html
This is not a site for the faint of heart. Expecting to undergo surgery, but don't know what's going to happen to you once you go under? Interested in finding out? This site is more than likely to have a video of your procedure, along with information on tools, recovery time, etc.

1. www.wnyc.org/shows/radiolab/
A radio program that offers an hour on some of the most unusual topics to be discussed over the airwaves, such as unintended consequences, tumors, life after death, how we recognize people and much more.

10 Sites That May Turn You Into an Internet Zombie

Brownie Points

Working in the production industry, I've experienced first-hand how it is to be a minion.

I work as a set crew intern at an arts center. My duties entail building the sets, hunting for props and running house crew. One of the plays we're working on is "Little Shop of Horrors." For those of you who are unfamiliar with the plot....just go to http://www.imdb.com/ and look it up, I don't want to give it all away.

"Feed me, Seymour!"

One of our missions was to quest for dentist stuff. I went to my dentist's office and to my utmost surprise, they told me they were cleaning house and did in fact have chairs to get rid of.

"Audrey I"

"Audrey II"

Slight problem. Both chairs they had to offer were 400 lbs. apiece, plus there was a waiver to sign. Ho'kay, back to the drawing board...

So then they tell me there's a patient who collects and scraps dentist chairs for spare parts. I get in touch with the guy, and he says he'd help us out as long as he could get a charitable donation on his tax forms. So I talk to all the right people and make sure he gets all the necessary forms. Another roadblock: he hasn't returned any of my supervisor's phone calls. Nice going, you bastard.

Now I'm scrambling to redeem myself, so I go back to the office and explain the situation. By some act of grace, there is one chair left, and it's only 175 lbs. You bet your ass I get right on the phone and start harvesting a truck and some able bodies. So if that rat bastard ever decides to call back, I can say, "Haha, fuck you, I already got a chair!"

My evaluation: Don't fuck with the minions. We're the ones who get shit done.

                                           

Brownie Points