Spring Break Suckage

This spring break is bending over and taking it up the ass currently. It's flying by too fast for starters...already we're on the back end towards Wednesday, and I head back to school Sunday. Most of my south side friends aren't on break till next week, so barely anyone is within a convenient time zone to do anything. I miss my college friends, but they're either way out in the bufu burbs or in another state entirely. Both my parents are at work, little brother's in school. The part-time job I did over winter break briefly still hasn't called. Icing on the cake, Mishka's hardly returning any of my texts. It's like his learning curve is basically zero. And it sucks.

The only positive thing that's happened so far is going to see my little cousins and act as the "in loco pater" as my uncle is out of town for the week. They're so cute, they get upset over the weirdest things and they're discovering the Internet memes that I grew up with as a kid. I'm so proud.


All I've done beyond that is sleep and do homework. I'm going insane. I'm upset. I'm pissed off. The only possible glimmers of hope that I see for potentially salvaging this break are going to the International Museum of Surgical Science and my brother's play "Comic Strips." I had no idea the IMSS existed right within my own city. It looks über awesome - just like Gunther von Hagens' "Body Worlds" exhibits that toured at the Museum of Science and Industry. I dunno if anybody feels gutsy enough to go with me though, might just have to be my own odyssey.

As of now I have my hopes pinned on those two things. I can only hope summer is better than this, but I don't think I should be getting my hopes up too high.

Sorry for the rant today guys, I really needed to vent the tension somewhere before I exploded.

< /rant >

Spring Break Suckage

At War With Myself

Do you ever have one of those phases in your life where people from your past just blindside you and you're completely taken aback?

I have. It's happened twice in the span of only a few months. And I'm troubled by it.

The first time it happened, well, whoever reads this knows how well that turned out. I kicked that person out forever, at least I'm certain I did this time. Today, a new contender entered the ring. All I will say is this person and I had a horrific falling out. Biting words were exchanged, there was the battle of the wills, some sleepless nights. We haven't really spoken in...a couple years now. Until today, that is.

I'm uncertain how to proceed. I am pleased and relieved that this person doesn't hate my guts. I was quite frankly very surprised they still even wanted to talk to me. It was really nice, just being human to each other again. Though...I am perturbed, nay, perhaps even afraid of letting this person back in. This person has expectations that I'm not sure I can guarantee in the long run. I don't know how to say that all I want is to be just friends, no more and no less. If I were to let them back in, the very best they could hope for is just friendship.

Maybe...maybe I just shouldn't...just shouldn't at all. This is just asking for trouble. No good is going to come out of this. But...I can't be the heartless villain. Not again. I dunno if I have the heart to crush this reconciliation before it even begins fully. But at the same time, it's not fair to me, but more importantly it's not fair to Mishka, not in the slightest. I don't want to even entertain the most minuscule notion of wrecking the fantastical thing I have. Not ever. Not over something like this especially, it'd be just shameful.

Damned if I care, damned if I don't....

At War With Myself