Mass Exodus: Facebook Edition

This past week on Facebook I noticed a peculiar trend. Every time I checked my profile, the friend list count fluctuated, either dropping one and gaining two, or dropping three and and gaining one. This is nothing new to me, this has been going on for several months now. This week, however, it decidedly plummeted and has since remained steady.

To be honest, I can't say this is terribly upsetting. From what I've figured out, many of those who decided to cast me off are people I didn't talk to often, if at all. Still, I entertained the fleeting question only briefly: Why? Weirded out by my nerdiness? Extremely possible. Plagued by postings from this blog? Also possible, fleeing is a typical reaction from consistent literacy. Thought they were too "cool" for me? -dingdingding- The winner, with a whopping most likely.

My overall evaluation of the situation? Pfft, whatever. There's a 99.9999% chance they weren't really my "friend" at all. They did me a favor by identifying themselves now, saving me the trouble of doing it later.

Humans are a curious thing indeed.

Mass Exodus: Facebook Edition

Hello, Nothing - A Haiku

Nothing, how are you?

I think I am Something, but 

I'm just Nothing, too.

Hello, Nothing - A Haiku

This Is The Reason I Want A Faster Metabolism

Seriously, I wish there was a pill or something out there for women that could speed up our metabolisms to such a point it might even rival a man's already freakish metabolism.

Now even though I'm a carnivore at heart, I have my limits, and these guys just throw limits to the wind and concoct the most ridiculous meals ever. I only dream of being able to eat stuff like this without feeling any backlash. Don't you hate how guys can do that? Just eat mountains of deliciousness and never gain an ounce? 

-Sigh- One day very very soon I also will be able to attain such a feat...but I only want to do it once, just to say I did it.

If she can do it, I can do it too, dammit.

This Is The Reason I Want A Faster Metabolism

Writing Exercise #6: Summer Jobs I'd Probably Kill To Have

Just once I'd love to see one of these kinds of postings for summer jobs....

Engine Mechanic for Firefly

                                                                                                         

Princess Rescuer

Storyboard Designer for Hayao Miyazaki

Convention Costume Designer

Run my own Underground Steampunk Society

Be a Paid Hobbyist and Make Nintoasters

Pokémon Trainer

Writing Exercise #6: Summer Jobs I'd Probably Kill To Have

Frozen Rose

Cold, immobile.

Wind whipping across sleeping waters

gnawing, biting, burning.

Deep freeze settles in

creeping stealthily into

the very space between

the atoms of my existence

lulling their hum into

near silence.

When the sun deigns to shine,

it shines right through me

as if I'm not there.

I lie as if dead

though I'm only just

sleeping

dreaming of a warmth

soft and tender.

[I just realized after typing this out it really does look like a rose. Holy unplanned awesome, Batman!]

Frozen Rose

Leonard Hofstadter, Please Marry Me

Now that the dumbass stalker from the previous post is finally out of the picture for good (he had the gall to respond to me today...hmmm...), I am free at last to pursue one of the loves of my life: Johnny Galecki, or Leonard Hofstadter from "The Big Bang Theory."

Damn, he'll be the death of me....

Leonard Hofstadter, Please Marry Me

"I'm Alright, I'm Just Fine And You're A Tool So, So What?"

This is quite possibly the best GTFO email I've sent off to someone. Remember this guy? He decided to try and "patch things up" with me this past week. Though he might not realize it yet, our conversation only further convinced me that I'm better off without him in my life. This is the email I shot off today that will hopefully be the final nail in the coffin of this miserable connection.

"Thank you for completely wasting my time this week with your pathetic BAAWWW'ing. I'll be sure to file it away under 'B' for 'Bawling diatribes from an ignorant sexist bitch that I couldn't care any less about.' You think I'm stupid? No. Mixing up 'there,' 'their' and 'they're' is 'stupid.' Talking about past lovers on a first date is 'stupid.' Disappearing for months at a time, army or not, expecting me to realize how much I 'need' you and beg you to come back when I'm already happy with my life without you is not so much 'stupid' as it is grounds to permanently black mark you out of my calendar. To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing when you 'disappeared' not once but multiple times for extended periods thinking it would change my mind, or when you thought that by saying 'I love you anyway' would push me into a tearful submissive state that you could take advantage of. So forgive me but I couldn't care less if this time you're only going to be gone for a month. Since your world apparently revolves around controlling people, prolonged temper tantrums and self-idolizing, I'm sure it must be so difficult to consider someone else's feelings for a full 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my current boyfriend doesn't think you're a terrible person, he just thinks you're an average run of the mill dick who commands about as much respect as a basement dwelling porn collector. I might be wrong, but it's really difficult to respect someone who demands cyber-sex from his online 'girlfriend', who he claims he 'loves,' when the reality is he's probably asking for the same thing from every two-cent whore on Facebook, Yahoo, MSN, etcetera.  By the way, from the amount of time you spent exulting your 'tower' you would be better off exhibiting it to people on Chatroulette, as they have no high standards there. Just thought you might like to know.  Talk to you never"

"I'm Alright, I'm Just Fine And You're A Tool So, So What?"

Exposed! Winter Break: What Really Happened

A few posts back I made a list of things I wanted to do over winter break, with no restrictions whatsoever. Naturally, most of it didn't really happen, but I still have a week left to go so there's still some hope. Snapping back to reality though, this is what I really did so far....

Little Kids Again
I had my friends over for a birthday gathering last week. It was a 90s throwback, and Mishka and my sissy from another missy graciously agreed to help me set up the house. Without them I never would have been able to do all of it myself. We coated the entire first floor with 90s stuff, like Beanie Babies and Pokemon pictures. I even managed to scrounge up an N64 and a Wii (not very 90s but we barely used it anyway). We ended up playing Apples to Apples, Super Smash Bros. and towards the end we trolled the trolls on Chatroulette. We had one of my friends stuff two balloons up his shirt, and when he sat back it looked like a girl with a very ample bosom...at least until he leaned forward. There were some pretty spectacular reactions, most notably at the end when he popped the balloons with a toothpick. In all I think it's reasonable to say that everyone had a good time.

King George VI Had A Dirty Mouth

One of the more memorable movies I saw this break was "The King's Speech," which illustrated the story of how King George VI formed a relationship with his speech therapist, and by use of rather unorthodox techniques, overcame his crippling stammer. One of my favourite parts was when Lionel realized that Bertie didn't stammer when he swore, so he had him go on a swearing rampage. I was in tears watching the future King of England cuss like a sailor. In all it was a spectacular movie, and if you have the chance I would highly recommend it.













"Make new friends, but keep the old..."
So far I've had ample amounts of time to catch up with my friends back in my neck of the woods. We've ice-skated, gone to movies, bowling and visited our favourite coffee house. We even managed to catch up with Dave, our patriarch. He read our cards again, and I was pleased to see that my reading changed noticeably from last time, but I'll save that for another post.


Overall it's been a very decent break, but I still have one more week to wreak some havoc...

Exposed! Winter Break: What Really Happened

If Gabriel Iglesias Were Jesus...

...we'd all be getting drunk texts like this every other night:

There would be no need for doubt if we had this pleasant reminder.

This video here explains the kissy faces.

Gabriel Iglesias I'm Not Fat I'm Fluffy Part 4 - Watch more funny videos here

If Gabriel Iglesias Were Jesus...

On Getting Older

Today I turn 19 years old. It's my last year as a teenager. Nineteen years....that's practically a career. In terms of technology, I'm ancient history. When I was little I never really pictured myself in college, with awesome friends and a supportive family and in general a great life. In 19 years I've:

~Made friends, lost friends, gained more friends

~Had my heart broken

~Fixed it when I found my better half

~Not contracted any STDs (not going to have sex yet...not ready for it)

~Gone to grammar school, high school and now college

~Never done drugs

~Never been wasted (got buzzed, but hardly drunk)

~Never been pregnant

~Never started any stupid fights

~Held down a few jobs

~SURVIVED

The only plans I really have is a family dinner. We shall be feasting on prime rib roast, twice baked potatoes, bread and I'm assuming some healthy veggie of some sort, most likely a salad. Here's to my final year of childhood....

On Getting Older

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes

Even though the New Year hosts talked through pretty much the entire countdown, I still have a list of things I want to make happen in this year 2011. I'm not going to get used to writing that on everything until....June at the earliest.

1. Tell it straight, no chaser.
One thing I learned in college is that I am extremely honest when I have alcohol in my system. I will tell anything straight, with absolutely no regret. It's as if the brain-tongue barrier doesn't even exist. I hope to carry that mentality even when my blood alcohol content is 0.00 (with discretion).

2. Are you an asshole? The door is open. Get out.
I am so tired of people who constantly piss me off. I am not going to waste my life spending time with people who make me unhappy. I deserve better. If you screw around with me, you're done. I was far too liberal with second chances, and I got walked all over like a doormat. The asshat from this post learned this lesson the hard way when I finally decided to kick his stupid ass off my Facebook page. I say that about him because despite my patience with him, he still had the gall to talk shit to me. Game over, pal.


3. Read, write, draw more.
This kind of speaks for itself. I miss writing and drawing and reading.

4. I will still love you even when you do stupid shit.
This one goes out to Mishka. I love you, you're my best friend. I know there was some trouble in paradise, but in reality it was all stupid and I decidedly overreacted. I promise to try and be more tolerable when you do something I don't like, and hopefully I will be able to tell you how I feel without clamming up. I am comforted by the fact that you know how to fight fair, and you are more than willing to make amends. I also will do the same. Yես քեզ կը սիրեմ Ալեքսանդր.


5. I will kick ass in college.
While I had a pretty solid first semester, I think I can do even better with this one. Additionally, I think I need to take more advantage of the facilities at and surrounding the college campus.


6. Somehow I will love myself.
If Mishka can see past my imperfections, I should be able to as well. I will eat better and live better, and my body should be able to fall in step with that.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes