AdventureTime in College: The Invisible Tie Dilemma

The tie. A symbol of the well-to-do. A decorative piece for the neck. A typical part of formal office wear. In college especially, a clear warning to stay the fuck out of the room, lest you wish to die a horrid death at the hands of your roommate. It clearly says "YOU! SHALL NOT! PAASSS!" At least it should. If they made talking ties that actually said that I would totally buy them all. But I digress...

This past Friday my roommate decided to inform me last minute that her out of town boyfriend would be staying over this weekend. This happened twice last semester as well, so by this point I knew the drill: vacate. She informed that he would be leaving at some point today, but didn't really expound on when. The stage was then set for me to gain my advantage over her.

This weekend my football game was the earliest yet, round one in the afternoon. I left my temporary den and descended to grab my change of clothes and be on my way. When I got to my door, I found the handle unlocked, and from what I could tell it didn't sound like there was much activity going on inside the room, so naturally I went inside.



Oh how to describe what was going on. I had apparently chosen the opportune moment to interrupt my roommate's "happy time" with her boyfriend. Probably the most hilarious part was when she decided to try and hide what was going on. I wasn't born yesterday, guys.

This brings me to ask, "What the fuck." Are you that moronic that you couldn't take one of my neckties and hang it over the doorknob, or even a sock? Did it occur to either of you to at least lock the door so at the very least you would have an extra three seconds to compose yourselves? Invisible ties don't count people. If you're too lazy to do even that at least send a courtesy text that says "Don't come in for another 12 minutes." I'll know then to stay away. I told my dad this story and he suggested next time I tarry my stay and rummage through drawers and the like. I on the other hand think my 30 second intrusion was more than enough to kill the buzz. She's been doing the "Walk of Shame" ever since for the rest of the day. The power I have....it's delicious. Believe me, if the situation calls for it, I will use it. It's my Ring of Power, and if you need to go down I'll see that I bring you down.

Next time chica, take a lesson from Gandalf and block me properly.

AdventureTime in College: The Invisible Tie Dilemma

Words Are Getting Smaller, And So Are Our Brains

I'm just going to come right out and say that I'm a proper grammar enthusiast. I know when to use "you're" and "your" and also the differences between "there," "their" and "they're." I avoid abbreviating like the plague, especially in texting or chatspeak; seriously, if it's a three letter word, take the extra two seconds to spell it out.

Speaking of texting and chatspeak, today's writing class prompt revolved around texting and the impact on language (by the way that's another thing I hate..."impact" is not a verb, it is solely a noun, even if the online dictionary says otherwise). Teens in particular are changing the way humans interact with each other. With innovations such as online networking and texting, there's no apparent need for developed social skills. There's decreased demand for knowing how to fill in awkward silences or politely ending a conversation. Pretty soon we're just going to be right next to each other talking to each other on a holographic screen in a big fat floating chair, just like in WALL-E. 


I can understand the need to abbreviate some words. At least with my own texting plan, I have a 160 character limit, therefore I have to get my point across in as few words as possible. It becomes an issue though when that type of shorthand starts leaking into formal papers. Imagine Einstein presenting his theory of relativity with text speak. It would be a laughingstock to science. Try picturing Demosthenes tweeting his speeches online instead of practicing his orations with pebbles in his mouth over the sound of crashing waves. Horrific, isn't it.

                                                                           Demosthenes' mock tweet. It physically pained me to write it out...

I honestly hope it's just a phase in the evolution of language. I mean look how far we've come since scratching out rough outlines with berry juice on cave walls. With luck, we'll reverse the rapid shrinking of our brains and figure out that copying the dictionary might actually make us a bit more literate...or I guess that was just Malcolm X's stint.


On a side note, the comment section is now open for input. I finally figured out why my sparse audience wasn't able to say anything at all...bah, stupid Blogger and your asinine restrictions on embedding comments.

Words Are Getting Smaller, And So Are Our Brains

AdventureTime in College: The Confrontation Consideration

It's been three years since I've played the glorious game of football. This past Sunday I had the chance to get back into the game in my university's intramural leagues on a co-rec team. It felt pretty good to be back running around kicking the crap out of a leather sphere. It felt even better to play with a mixed gender team; I always thought that playing with boys was better than playing with all girls. I thought they put less drama into the game, unless it was for a reason. My pleasure however was a bittersweet pill.

A word about my team: this was the first time we've all played together, so naturally I wasn't expecting plays to connect right away. I would compare the composition to a typical American Youth Soccer Organization team: a few excellent players, a handful of about average players and still a few who have the capacity to be good but need a little push to be more assertive and aggressive.

Unfortunately, our first game was definitely not the best I've ever played with a team. From what I understood, we were up against a team where about half or more of them played on the club team. It started out as good fun, but before the first half even ended it had become a bloodsport. In my opinion, they were total assholes, with no sense of honor or respect to us. To my knowledge, there is no existing slaughter rule in this league, so that apparently encouraged this opponent to be complete dicks and score goal after goal, no holds barred. What made it even worse was in the second half; I was the keeper, and as keeper I am by default the captain of the defense. As I was calling out instructions, I could hear their substitutes making snide comments. At one point, two of their players started taking dives in an attempt to pull a sympathy call. The first time they succeeded, but the second time I took the guy out while making a legitimate pass for the ball. He of course made obnoxious loud noises and tried to pull a penalty kick out of it, even though I had only clipped him and still managed to get the ball. To rub salt in the wound, they had the nerve to still tell me "Nice save" and "Good game." Good game my ass.

I can't even remember the last time I've been that enraged. While that second diver was on the ground I considered kicking and punching his face into the backside of his skull. All I could allow myself to do though was snap at him to get up. Quite frankly I'm surprised that's all I did. I suppose subconsciously I knew it wasn't worth the brief satisfaction of beating the shit out of him in front of the crappy referees. Regardless, I have no respect for people who quibble over the scorekeepers not changing the score fast enough or those who don't know when enough is enough. That however does not justify instigating a fight on the field of play. Overall it's not worth the card, or a possible permanent ejection from the team.

I can only hope karma comes back around someday and splatters their stupid asses all over the astroturf. Then maybe, just maybe, they might understand what it's like to see when a game no longer is a game, but an embarrassment on their part when they create that big of a margin between scores.

AdventureTime in College: The Confrontation Consideration

AdventureTime in College: Just Because You Can Doesn't Mean You Should

The poster here is extremely fitting...

Apparently my university has been studying up on methods of how to piss people off from the Egyptian government. Today they decided, without telling us, to block Facebook for a good part of the day. While it did create a boost in my productivity, I think their reasoning is a little off. From what I understand, other students were making their opinions known about not having another snow day on the university's Facebook page, and there may or may not have been an event encouraging people to stay home. If there were, it would be for a fair reason, as we're still battling two foot high snow drifts and a negative wind chill. For commuters, I can only imagine what a bitch it must have been trying to find a way out of the maze that is now Lake Shore Drive.

While the school might have been displeased with the overall reaction, I personally think theirs was even more childish. Blocking a website so people can't tell others what they feel about the situation? Holy censorship! I realize that the administration might feel a little godly having the great Facebook On/Off Switch, but flaunting it like that isn't going to solve any problems, just make more.

People ditch class all the time, probably every day. People also spend an inordinate amount of time on Facebook every day. Frankly, I think the administration should let students fail because of their own poor choices, not attempt an intervention. Much as I hate to admit it, I, along with my fellow students, am an adult and as such am expected to make adult decisions. If I want to fritter my day away clamoring for another snow day on Facebook to a cyber-deaf institution, that's my own piss-poor decision, but if no one's getting hurt, tuition's still getting paid and the intent is to return to class when conditions safely allow, what's the problem here?

Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

AdventureTime in College: Just Because You Can Doesn't Mean You Should

AdventureTime in College: Snowpocalypse

This wicked weather system up top was taken by NASA's satellites. Chicago is expecting to take the full brunt of it sometime tonight. Already the wind has threatened to knock me down several times today. Visibility has dropped to pretty much nil. 

Ah well, at least I have no classes tomorrow...first snow day of my college career. Thank you Patron of Snowstorms, whoever you are.

This is where Lake Michigan used to be. 

I will give props to anyone who can find the Red Line Stop here.

AdventureTime in College: Snowpocalypse